By Johanna Ungulata
The Pennsic Independent has received warning of a great danger facing the populace of the Pennsic War. The Soothsayers of the Circus of the Damned have predicted that a swarm of vipers will plague the marketplace and food court, starting Tuesday morning. Based on the accuracy of their plague predictions in past years, we believe that the populace of Pennsic should make whatever preparations they can against this latest terror.
Rania Iskremorova of the Circus of the Damned warns, “The signs are all in place for a huge number of deadly vipers to invade the marketplace and food court areas starting on Tuesday morning. They will be small, quick, and newly hatched, and we believe that the children of Pennsic will be best equipped to capture them. Their boundless energy and nimble fingers will make catching these vipers a simple task. Adults will have much more difficulty handling these beasts. They should step aside and leave this problem to the kids.”
The PI has confirmed that the creatures do exist. Johan Cervus, Pennsic’s Animal Control Officer, told PI reporters, “We’re not sure where they came from, but they’re definitely heading toward the marketplace. They seem to be particularly hostile when approached by adults; the only specimens we have in captivity were caught by children.”
Lord Cervus has made this plea to the children, “Although it may be dangerous, I need to ask every child to scan the roads and pathways of the food court and marketplace to try to locate and capture one of these vipers and turn it in to the Circus of the Damned during the Children’s Fete on Wednesday between 1-4 pm. The best thing we can do is keep these creatures separated, so each child should only try to capture ONE VIPER.”
The Circus of the Damned has negotiated with the Kingdom of Æthelmearc to create a protected Snake Sanctuary, so that the captured creatures can live out the rest of their lives in peace and prosperity. King Maynard and Queen Liaidain of Sylvan Æthelmearc were pleased to be able to care for these creatures and proclaimed, “As it is Our duty to protect all creatures within Our lands, We shall ensure suitable space is available for the proposed Snake Sanctuary.”
Every child who captures a viper and turns it in at the Children’s Fete will be rewarded with a Royal Commendation signed by several of the visiting monarchs, as well as a prize from the Circus of the Damned. Any child not finding a viper on Tuesday in the marketplace is requested to please come to the Children’s Fete in the barn on Wednesday to help keep the creatures contained. While the members of the Circus of the Damned are fine entertainers, they are somewhat lacking in their zoo-keeping skills and will need all the help they can get while they prepared these feisty critters for the move to their new home.